9 June 2017

Motherhood has made me a better person

When I look back at my character in my teens and early twenties, I don't always like the person I see. I think, like many people at that age, I was a bit full on and this extended not only to my general personality and demeanour but my opinions, how I presented myself and how I would interact with other people. I wasn't a horrible person back then, but I certainly had a lot of growing up to do and throughout my years back in education in my early twenties, completing my A Levels and getting my Psychology degree, I definitely matured and took more responsibility as an adult. I thought the changes, the literal growing up I did, was a lot - but it's nothing compared to the way in which Motherhood has changed me as a person.


I think I found myself a little lost when I had Willow. My whole world, my entire life, had changed forever and after just a few short weeks I found myself in a slow spiral downwards into postnatal depression. If I try and look back on those first few months, well her first year, in fact, I see every memory with great clarity, but thinking about myself is a little hazy, like a distant memory. Maybe all mothers get that, maybe not, but over the past few months, I've finally started to feel more like myself again, just a newer, better version.

You see, Motherhood has changed me. It's changed me so irreversibly, that my life before Willow feels like a different life, a past life that feels just out of reach. I expected things to feel different when I became a Mother, but I didn't expect that becoming a Mother meant saying goodbye to the girl I once was, or the woman it would make me. Everyone tells you that your life changes forever and everyone is very quick to tell you the ways in which becoming a parent will negatively impact your life. Yet here I am, 16.5 months down the line, finally rising out of a blur of postnatal depression, and I can only see the positive ways in which becoming a Mother has changed my life.

I'm not as judgemental as I used to be. Motherhood has introduced me to women, and men, from all walks of life whose lives could not be further than my own. Connecting with these parents, because of the common ground of having children, has opened my world up to new people who have taught me so much. It's opened my eyes to all the wonderfully unique ways we parent and made me more open to trying new things. It's many of these parents, met in the Punky Moms groups, that have given me the confidence to parent my own way, and to make choices about how to bring my daughter up that are the best possible choices for her.

Willow has torn down defensive walls I had spent years building around myself and has made me a softer person. We were Team Yellow when I was pregnant and so we didn't know that Willow would be a girl, in fact, I openly told people I wanted a boy - I think I was scared. I've never had the best relationships with other girls and my own relationship with my mum leaves much to be desired, so I worried that I wouldn't cope with a daughter. I wouldn't know how to be around her, how to treat her, how to bring her up in a better way than I was, and yet, it turns out the opposite is true. I could not imagine my life without my little girl and she really and truly has made me a softer, more kind and loving person.

Instead of worrying I wouldn't be a good enough Mother for a daughter, she has made me a stronger, better person who wants nothing more than the absolute best life for her. She's made me even prouder to be a feminist and I will raise my tiny feminist fearlessly. She has made me realise how strong and independent and powerful women can and should be, and how I present myself will be the example for her future.

Becoming a Mother has given me more confidence, to say how I really feel, to stand up for what I believe in and most importantly, to have confidence in my views on parenthood and the choices we make as her parents in how we bring her up. She's given me more confidence to stand up and shout in support of every cause I believe in because I want her to grow up in a better world than the one I brought her into. She is the fire inside of me that keeps me strong and makes me feel powerful, like the things I do can have a positive impact and make positive changes.

Motherhood has shown me sides of myself that I never knew, nor dreamed, existed. Becoming a Mother was like opening the floodgates to let out every negative and bad thing about myself, to become the Mother my daughter deserves. Willow has helped shape me into the woman I was always meant to be, and that's a woman I am really damn proud of.

So thank you, my little girl. For without you, I would not be the person I am today, and to you, I owe everything.

Did you read last week's post on Motherhood?
5 Things I would do differently if I have another baby.

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10 comments

  1. Motherhood is a funny old thing, I was different having my older two and then having the twins changed me even more, I am completely different to the girl I was at 18 I'm no longer life and soul of the party I would rather be home with my kids but I know people who don't change or adapt, everyone is different is suppose x

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    1. I was such a party girl in my teens and early 20's, but I'd choose staying home with family over going out any day! xo

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  2. This was lovely to read, and I am so with you on many of the points. I find myself being so much more confident after having Ada, and I feel so self-reliant rather than leaning on others probably a little too much. She has definitely softened a little bit of me too, I feel a lot more understanding and tolerant these days.

    Catherine | www.heymamablog.com

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    1. Thank you so much Catherine. I think that's exactly it, self-reliant instead of relying as much on others! Haha, I am definitely more tolerant xo

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  3. I'm glad you've written a post about the change of your individuality as a person when giving birth because people tend to talk about just being a 'mum' i.e. with baby is tow but not about being you and how you develop personally

    Mel ★ www.meleaglestone.co.uk

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    1. Ah, thank you Mel! That's what I hope to do with the weekly MOTHERHOOD series; share more insight into Motherhood xo

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  4. What a beautifully written post, Sophia. So very very true and resonates with me so much. <3 Loving this motherhood series.

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    1. Thank you so much lovely. I'm so glad you're enjoying the MOTHERHOOD series! <3 xo

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  5. This is so well written and so very true. Beautiful post.
    Parenting (and punky mums!) has made me so much nicer and accepting. I was sad for the person I was, but now I'm just proud that changes are happening.
    You're an amazing person and mother xx

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    1. Thank you so much Sarah! Punky Moms has definitely helped a lot of us mamas, hasn't it? xo

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